You've paid your dues

The speakers blare "Final call 1600 m!", your heart begins to race and you jump up, bringing your knees to your chest in anticipation of the physical contest to come. You quickly do some striders, lengthening your stride and pumping your arms to do one last warm up. You enter the bull pen, a caucophony of noises striking your ears. Sitting down you collect your thoughts and prepare to focus for those 4 short laps into which you've now put what amounts to two years of preparation. As time drags on in that pit of a bull pen, your legs begin to stiffen and you worry that you will no longer be warm for your race. Anxiety and nervousness set in, making your heart race and creating that oh so familiar pit within your stomach. Am I ready? Am I warm? Can I win? these thoughts and others race through your mind as you try and prepare for those 4 short laps. The moments crawl by as you wait and contemplate the race ahead. Finally, finally, the announcer calls for your heat. Time seems to slow down as you move out to the track, quickly striding out and kicking your heels to your behind. You keep striding out, always moving, attempting to rewarm up before your race. It seems an eternity between the point where you stepped out onto the track and suddenly the big man with the gun calls out, "Runners Set!" you step up to the line, mind beginning to sharpen and the only thing you see is the track before you. "Bang!" the gun goes off and your mind goes blank. All feelings of nervousness are gone, you are a part of the track, you are strong, your legs and arms begin to pump as you enter that first bend. Time speeds up, and soon without even realizing it your on that third lap, halfway done, except now your focus begins to fail, your legs are hurting, your lungs are burning, you start to fall behind... No, you pull yourself together, remember coach said the third lap is your focus. You bring it together and push yourself, mind refocusing on that jersey in front of you, you can do it, you can win. You push yourself through the third lap, a fire burning within your soul as you focus every ounce of will on not letting yourself slow down, not one second, You make it through the third lap, your time hasn't slowed a second, you did it. Except, now you enter the fourth lap, one lap to go, your pace quickens and you begin to stride out, I'm not going to lose it this time, this time I'm going all the way, no slowing down, negative split. Your stride picks up and you're feeling strong, halfway down the back stretch you see your team mate pass you out of the corner of your eye, not again, not again, you pick up your pace even more, but it's not enough, he moves passed you and just keeps going, you keep pushing, trying to stride out, trying to go with him, but you can't, your legs are too tired, you can't breathe, you begin to fall behind. Every part of you screams to get him, to go with him, every part but your legs, they've given up, they can't go any faster. Coming into the last 100 meters you strain with every part of your body, pumping your arms and legs, trying to squeeze every last ounce of energy out of them, but still on every side, you're getting passed, on every side a runner goes by each time seeming to suck the energy from you making your step falter. You try and move faster, you try and try and try, and still you're passed. Finally you cross the line and cryout inwardly because again you have failed, again you've been passed over and over on that final stretch. You stumble off the track mind and body reeling as you try and gather your thoughts and figure out what happened....

Finally, hours later, with the adrenaline from the race drained, and your body beginning to stiffen you realize something. It doesn't matter. It was only one race, that's all, there's still at least one more in less than a week, and next time, you'll be ready, you realize you're capable of doing better, of conquering that last lap. You've prepared for two years, and you're ready, the only thing that could stop you is yourself, but you won't, you'll conquer yourself because that race doesn't matter, it's gone, it's done, and you'll come out better for it, you let it roll. Words your coach has told you come back to you "You've paid your dues". You've done all you could have ever done, you've dedicated your time and effort and given all that's been asked of you, now, now you can do it, you can win.